When fear comes knocking.

Fear showed up today for my 6 year old daughter.

For the first time in a really long time I had to dig deep and pull out all the spiritual tools that I have learnt so far.

My daughter asked me on the drive home from her brothers football game what my deepest anxieties were? She is 6 and an Empath too. She feels so much and I know what that is like because I am a super feeler.

Looking for a little more background into the questions – I said to her did she know what anxiety was? She replied  “It’s all the things that you worry about”.

I was impressed, but not surprised that she knew. Empath children usually have high EI or emotional intelligence. She is really in tune with what she feels, and often calls it the correct terminology. She connects better with her feelings than I did at her age.

I was curious what her answers were so I said back to her, “Tell me your’s and I will tell you mine”.

I looked at her in the rear view mirror, as she was quite and I knew that she was a little hesitant to tell me. But she looked straight at me and said “I am anxious and scared about you and Daddy dying”. This was a MASSIVE trigger for me. I saw myself as a 6 year old and it reminded me that I too, had that exact fear. I saw the fear in her eyes and I knew that I had to pull myself together to give her an answer.

But, before I could take a breathe she said, actually I have a top 10 list of things that I am anxious about! I looked at her shocked and surprised that she had more.

So here they are:

  1. I am afraid of Mummy and Daddy dying.
  2. I am afraid of when I die.
  3. When will I get pregnant?
  4. When will I get married?
  5. When I get things wrong.
  6. When I have to eat dinner.
  7. Having a boyfriend.
  8. When we have a babysitter.
  9. When we go away.
  10. Can I stop bad things from happening?

We had arrived home by this stage so I said lets go inside and talk about these, one by one.

So, she wrote them down and we went through them. And this is what I said.

When people die, sometimes its because they are sick, and when they go to heaven, they aren’t sick anymore. That doesn’t mean we dont miss them like crazy, but we think back to all the great memories that we had with them and we hold onto those feelings, so close to our heart that those memories fill us up with their love.

Sometimes there are accidents too and this is extremely sad. It takes a long time to feel better. And there is not set time. You just do the best you can to feel better day by day.

And there can be beautiful things like charities and foundations that start so that people become aware of the thing that took that person away. We sometimes cant see the goodness for a while or maybe never but it is up to each individual and what they choose. We respect everyone’s journey.

Its totally natural to feel scared of dying. Even I do. And I know that from all accounts that heaven is a beautiful place. But, when we focus on something big and heavy like that we dont see the tiny miracles and the fun and the funny things that life has to offer. Its like we have blinkers on and instead of seeing a rainbow we only see dark clouds.

At this point, I felt her energy shift and she began to feel lighter and not as weighed down by these thoughts.

When you get pregnant is already planned out for you and it is a long way down the track. You are up to chapter 2 and your baby could be in chapter 35. If you have any other baby related questions I am always here,

Marriage will be when you are so happy that another person will feel your love and happiness, and they will want to be with you and make you happy. That too may be lots of chapters away.

“What about when I get things wrong?” Well I get stuff wrong ALL THE TIME. Do you know as much as Mummy?

YES!

“OK, lets just think about this, I’m 40 and you are 6 do you think that you know as much as mummy?

“Oh, no you are WAY older than me!”

So we have to crawl before we walk, you are learning new things which takes time. So it’s OK to get it wrong, in fact when we get it wrong we not only learn a different way, but we learn a tool for the next time we get stuck! You can ask for help!

I will admit, I skipped over the eating part, because I am not the greatest cook in the world, so moving right along.

The babysitter anxiety is because she said that she worried about us when we weren’t there and I explained that it is good to have time apart and she can say the mantra that I taught her when she feels like she needs to feel safe and protected – “Peace, Begins, with me” a trick that I learned from Gabby Bernstein that my kids love. It calms them down straight away and they do a mudra with their fingers while they are saying those words. Start with the little finger and thumb, bring them together like you are counting on each finger and touch each finger with the thumb as below:

Image result for mudras chart

And last but not least, her anxiety over bad things happening. This was my biggest fear my whole life. Because, bad things had happened. But who I was then and who I am now, I am WAY better equipped to know that Empaths can feel things and on top of that know things (premonitions) and we feel the fear, because we pick it up and its not our own. But because we have picked it up we start to filter it like it is our own and when we can’t understand it, it will put a mask on like anxiety or overthinking.

This is what Eliza was feeling. Her knowing, was creating the overthinking. So we spoke about her having a book where she can write the bad things that she feels down and we can go through them together.

I felt her energy shifting again. I felt sad that she had tried to figure this all out on her own. And I had no idea how long she had been holding onto it.

We said that we would check in once a week and share what was coming up for us. Not just Eliza and I, but my husband and son too.

We opened up something tonight. And even though fear showed up. We worked through it and spoke about it. We took its power away with awareness, and we made friends with fear and anxiety,

I told her that it is totally normal to feel those things, and that I was so proud of her for speaking her truth.

I know that my journey was for a reason too. I went through those things so that I could help her. She chose me to be her mum and in times like this I know exactly why.

 

6 thoughts on “When fear comes knocking.

  1. Love this Clair ! I too have had these fears and anxieties expressed by my 6 & 9 year old and have had no idea how to answer them . This is a great help! Gabby x

  2. Love this so much!! Thank you for sharing your experiences with everyone. So helpful! Helpful in how to respond to the anxieties my son has, and also helping me with my own fears. Love you xxx

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read it – I think I became a parent that day!! I finally had some tools that were going to benefit my little empath. Love you too xx

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